southwestern slop

Here I am in my first week of classes in college. Sort of insane that that's happening but I choose not to focus on my existential crises and instead on one thing we can all relate to consuming, food!

I have been cooking a surprising amount in the two weeks that I have lived in a dorm room. I feel a little strange doing so, as I have seen very few other people making themselves multiple meals a day in the communal kitchen. This satisfies my internal hipster mindset where I must be alternative and against the grain, but it also feels a little lonely! Anyway, when I was at the store I bought two things. Eggs ($2.25) and Bacon ($5.99) both very organic and wholesome and whatnot. That is what I have eaten this week every morning and I must say, it is beautiful. 

Not literally beautiful, as the meal looks exactly like the title of this article: southwestern slop. I throw some green salsa (from the dining hall), salt, no pepper, and maybe a little tobasco (dining hall) on as a treat. You may be asking yourself, "Why no pepper? Pepper is god's gift to humans and everyone should utilize it as much as possible!" Well dear reader, I must congratulate you on your correct beliefs and regretfully inform you that I spilled the entire contents of my grinder full of whole peppercorns into a pan containing one pound of ground beef. For every morsel of ground beef that I greedily swallowed, I must have consumed at least 2-6 peppercorns. It was not the most pleasant meal of my life, but they did add some fun flavor and spice. 

The next question you have it surely about the plentiful splendor of fruit you see in the glass takeout dish on the right side of this article. That is the bounty I gathered at the dining hall only a few short days ago. I planned to save it for breakfast the next morning but as I was sitting in my chair contemplating my post-dinner plans I could not resist the urge to consume all of the beautiful fruit. Chunks of pineapple, watermelon, melon, and mandarin orange's brilliant flavors exploded on my palate as I stuffed down what may have been around 3/4 of a pound of fruit. 

Thus far, this must be my favorite thing about being a real College Boy™. I certainly had food at home, in great quantities and of several varieties, but the meals were nowhere near as colorful. I can pick from a veritable Roy-G-Biv of fruits and vegetables! What I don't understand is how anyone could bear to eat the anemic chicken or shriveled bacon burgers for any purpose other than pure medicinal nutrition when there is such a bounty of fresh-ish fruit and vegetables! Another thing, I love having unlimited access to (admittedly shrimpy) boiled eggs at all times. They are so convenient. At the dining hall I put fruits and veggies in my mouth and boiled eggs in my pockets and scurry away, several pounds heavier. 

One could measure time in boiled eggs. I imagine it would go like this.
"How long did that assignment take you?"
"Oh not too long, just two boiled eggs."

"Hey man, is the grocery store a walkable distance from here?"
"It's actually a pretty long walk, probably six or eight boiled eggs."

Beautiful. These are the conversations of gods among men. I was once ridiculed for bringing a plastic bag containing two (2) boiled eggs (in shell, I'm no animal) and six (6) dates to a bouldering session with my friends. As I removed the Ziploc of bountiful treats from my tote bag I felt the eyes dart to me. I gently cracked my egg on a nearby rock and steeled myself for their comments. In a torrent of hatred, the gums of these so-called "friends" began to flap incessantly about my "INSANE" snack choice. As I swallowed one egg almost whole, stopping to chew for only a few moments so as to preserve the flavor and texture of the outer white of the egg, these comments continued. However, I will NEVER be ashamed to love boiled eggs. It is part of who I am, and I will not be made to hide any aspect of my personality just to appear "normal."

Anyway. College, times of our lives.

This post heavily deviated from my initial conception of it but I sort of enjoy where it went, I think it's at least a little funny.